{September 23, 2013}   Coffee, Tea or Fuck you?

How would you  describe the typical flight attendant?  Do you picture her as the petite young woman with a tight hair bun and a neat appearance?  Or perhaps he is an extravagant over the top gay man with a lisp? Maybe she is a slightly overweight older woman who has eaten one too many crew meals and reminds you of your grandma. Well, the truth is, there is no right answer. We come in all shapes, sizes and sexual orientation.  But one thing we all have in common is the love for our job in customer service and safety. Well, most of us, anyway.

I’ve flown with some real crabby pants over the years. They joke: This would be the perfect job if it wasn’t for the passengers. But, they are not joking.

I’ve also had the pleasure of working with some big time potty mouths. Some of these girls go into the airplane galley, shut the (flimsy materialed) curtain, and curse like a sailor visiting a brothel. F-this and F-that. One time, I had to shhh the cussing  flight attendant as there was a little girl sitting in earshot of the galley. Seriously!  What was she thinking? 

Another time, I had a sweet young flight attendant announce to me that “She’s a fucking slut!”, when I told her that a passenger complained that her announcements were too fast. Well…that was unexpected! 

I guess the days of the ‘Pan Am stewardess’ are long over.

Moral of the story? Don’t piss off your flight attendant…just in case. 


{February 12, 2013}   I swear, it’s true.

Flying could be a stressful event for just about anybody.  Now, imagine a family with a 3 year old boy and twin 6 month old girls. Shoot me now! 

I had THAT family onboard the other day. The mum was freaking out as she boarded the aircraft about how she was waiting in line to check in for the flight for over 2 hours and the family did not even get seats together (by the way…you can’t always believe everything passengers say…they lie or exaggerate). I told her not to worry and that I would make sure they all sat together.  You know, kill them with kindness. 

Meanwhile, she is ranting and raving loudly all the way to her seat. Oh yeah. She is also swearing like a sailor. Fuck this and Fuck that.

To make matters worse, the gate agent comes rushing onto the aircraft saying that he forgot to get one of the twin girl’s information and needs the baby’s passport.  He asks the mum for it and she starts freaking out again and cussing. The gate agent tells her to calm down and that sets her off again. He left the airplane  to process the passport info.  Suddenly,  one of my flight attendants comes rushing towards me telling me about this mum  passenger who is disturbing all the other people onboard and that I need to deal with her.

I rush over to her and try to calm her down.  I tell her not to worry about the passport as I WILL NOT close the aircraft door until she has that passport. Then I tell her to please watch her language as there are a lot of children onboard. Which, of course is ironic, because SHE has 3 children sitting with her! 

In the end, the stress head calmed down. But, if this is how she acts and talks in public,  could you imagine how she behaves in her own home? Even her husband and little boy seemed to be afraid of her. I try not to judge people based on one incident,  but it’s pretty hard not to in this instance.  I hope her holiday was more relaxing than her flight home. 

et cetera