flightmum











{August 6, 2013}   Are you a Belieber?

Guess who was on my flight to Los Angeles?  You’re never going to believe it. C’mon, guess! Do you give it? It was none other than Patricia Mallette. What? You never heard of her? Really?  Are you sure? She’s about 5 feet tall and she wrote a book.  I think it was on the New York Times best seller list. It’s an autobiography. It’s about her and her son named Justin Bieber.  Yes! That’s right!  I had the Biebs’ mum onboard.  She was quite lovely,  actually.  Very down to earth. You’d never know from her demeanor that her son made 55 million dollars last year.

You’ll never guess which passenger she was sitting next to.  No, not THE Biebs himself,  but close. It was a stranger,  actually.  They didn’t know each other prior to the flight.  His name was Mr. Beaver. Seriously! No joke. That’s what was written on his boarding card. Mr. M. Beaver. What’s the chances?

When Mr. Beaver came up front to use the lavatory,  one of the flight attendants asked him if he knew who he was sitting next to. The man replied that he eventually figured it out. When they were chatting,  Mr. Beaver asked Mrs. Bieber what brought her to L.A. Was she in the ‘industry’? Mrs. Bieber replied to Mr. Beaver that her son is a musician and she was going to visit him in the Valley. Mr. Beaver told us that he knew that Justin Bieber lives in the Valley and put two and two together. After they chatted, Mr. Beaver went to sleep and Mrs. Bieber had a beer.  

Then the cat in the hat declared that he could not, would not in a house. Not in a box. Not with a mouse. He did not like green eggs and ham.

And then, along with Mrs. Bieber and Mr. Beaver, we landed.

 

 

The end.

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{May 16, 2013}   Lord of the Feet

I had two interesting ‘characters’ on my flight the other day. Both interesting but for completely different reasons. Sitting in business class was one Lord Conrad Black.  For those of you not familiar with him, he is a Canadian-born former newspaper publisher and for a time, he headed the third largest newspaper group in the world. Oh yeah.  And he is also a convicted felon for fraud and obstruction of justice. 

From what I observed, Lord Conrad Black still appears to be a powerful and busy man. During the flight, he was polite enough, but he kept busy with paperwork and correspondences. You would never guess that he had just spent three and a half years in jail.

My other entertaining passenger was a top tiered frequent flyer.  During the safety demonstration,  I notice he was playing with and picking his toes for the duration of the video. He wouldn’t leave his bare foot alone…to the disgust of the frequent flying woman sitting right next to him and said foot.

Later I was chit chatting with her and somehow it got on to the subject of gross things passengers do on planes. I told her that I could tell her some stories. She said: I bet you can!

When she came up to use the lavatory, we talked about the foot fetish her seat-mate seemed to have. She said that she kept having to inch away from him while he was going to town on his foot because he was getting dangerously close.

When dinner was served, he dropped the foot and enjoyed the succulent servings.  Alas no, he did not wash his hands before eating. But, he did use the lav later… in barefeet! Who DOES that? There are so many germs on the lavatory floor. I mean, men STILL use the lav during turbulence and the miss the bowl…often.

Hope our friend washes his hands AND his feet before he decides to play foot hockey again.

 



{April 14, 2013}   I’m famous!

I have flown many celebrities to/from their destinations. Unfortunately, I have to stay professional and can’t gawk at them or fawn over them. To be quite honest,  I barely talk to these celebs, or sometimes not at all. But, for whatever reason,  it is still exciting. 

I think my first celeb was Jason Priestley. Mr. Beverly Hills 90210. I heard he was on the plane, but he was in first class and it was a short flight so I didn’t so much as set eyes on him. 

The best route to spot celebrities, of course, is the Los Angeles run. I’ve had the actor, Ed Harris.  I remember thinking that he looked really old in real life.

I’ve seen David Spade onboard.  I remember wondering why he was sitting in cattle class and who was the little girl he was with?I didn’t have the guts to ask him directly, so I asked the 6 year old girl instead when he was in the loo. She said that he knew her mummy. I excitedly asked who her mummy was, but she just shrugged.

I’ve had Jennifer Tilley on a flight. Not remarkable in any way.

There was quite the buzz when we had the Trailer Park Boys on our flight. Let’s just say ‘Bubbles’ does not look anything like his character without those big coke bottle glasses. 

Big names. I had Selena Gomez a few years back. She was in town hosting some event and visiting her boyfriend, Justin Bieber. Alas, she slept the whole flight so no words were exchanged. But, her assistants were bitching about how long it took to go through customs and declared that they were never coming back to Canada. I’m pretty sure they will.

 

A few years back, I also had Adam Levine of Maroon 5 fame and more recently, The Voice. He was with his entire band and entourage. They took up the entire cabin of business class. Like an idiot, I couldn’t remember the name of even one song they recorded. This particular morning flight was delayed and like any good rock star, he asked if we had any eyeshades onboard so he could sleep. I told him that that the airline didn’t provide any but I had my own personal pair he could have if he wanted. He wanted! I was excitedly about to retrieve them while thinking that I can’t believe Adam Levine will be wearing MY eyeshades when the captain interrupted and called me into the flight deck. He told me that the flight was canceled and everyone should deplane. I made an announcement, and lost my chance to interact with him again.

I’ve had musicians. Jann Arden sat in coach under an alias. Or perhaps her stage name was an alias. I had Chantal Kreviazuk on my flight. She was sitting in business class with her young son and a lap-held baby. She asked me to heat up a baby bottle and was just a cool and down to earth Canadian mum. She didn’t act like some big music star. I think we could have been friends.

I had the pleasure of taking Anne Murray to Florida. A few people noticed her and whispered to me, I wonder if she would sing ‘Snowbird’. When she came to the front to use the lavatory, I casually said, “Not very original, I know, but a few people asked me if I thought you’d sing Snowbird on the plane” I was hoping she would pick up the p.a. and belt out a few lines. But, she said, “No, not very original” and went back to her seat.

Then, there was Randy Bachman of The Guess Who fame. He was very nice but just looked like an old hippy.

I’ve seen a few athletes on my flights including Bobby Orr and Wayne Gretzky’s dad, Walter. I blurted out to Bobby Orr, “Your name was the answer to my crossword puzzle I did yesterday!” Then, I retreated back to my jumpseat with embarrassment. I have had a few other athletes but they weren’t famous enough for me to remember their names.

I’ve seen my fair share of politicians: Kim Campbell and Paul Martin AFTER they were no longer our prime ministers. I have had Justin Trudeau on a flight (sitting in the back) and when we landed in Montreal, I said, “Welcome to Pierre Elliott Trudeau international airport” (Usually I just say ‘welcome to Montreal’).When he deplaned, I said to him that I made that special welcome announcement just for him. He looked at me funny and continued walking. I had Mila Mulrooney (Brian’s better half) on a flight. She was so sweet and youthful looking. She said,”I am so cold. Feel my hands” and then clasped mine. I wished she could have been her my mother-in-law or my aunt.

I’ve had a few newscaster like Lloyd Roberts and Peter Mansbridge. I’ve played the news on board while Mr. Mansbridge watched himself on the big screen saying ‘I’m Peter Mansbridge’.

I’ve had a few soap stars. Sorry, I don’t know their names.

Rick Hansen, the ‘Man of Motion was an interesting passenger and SO nice. It was an honour to have him onboard.

Lastly, I had Brett Wilson a few times on my flights. He chatted with me and the pilot in the front galley just after he got ‘kicked off’ Dragon’s Den. He was very vocal about what had happened. The second time I had him on my flight, he winked at me and said he remembered me. My husband refers to him as ‘my boyfriend’.

Those are all the shoulders I’ve rub.

My friend had Rob Lowe on her flight once and had a picture of her and Rob Lowe as her Facebook profile pic for a while. Lucky her!

Maybe Brad Pitt will be on my next flight. You never know!



et cetera