flightmum











{July 26, 2013}   A Crappy flight

Morning flights are actually quite easy for us flight attendants to work because there are a lot of sleepers and only a handful of awake passengers to serve. Once we get past the initial shock of waking up at the cracks of dawn, we are ready to start our work day. Oh yeah. Coffee helps. A lot.

Bleary eyed passengers shuffle on board the aircraft and settle into their seats with their pillows and blankies looking to continue their shut eye. Most passengers are fast asleep before we hit cruising altitude.

For those passengers who brave to stay awake, we feed them some eggs and keep the coffee coming and coming. About 20 minutes later, the real trouble begins.

I am not sure if it’s the crappy food we serve onboard or the effects of the strong coffee we brew, but the line-ups for the lav are ferocious. One by one, they pile into the tiny washroom and have their morning constitution.  Sometimes I wonder how certain sized people fit into that tiny room. They must have the skills of a contortionous artist.

Every now and then, I hold my breath, spray some heavy duty air freshener into the toilet area and then retreat back to my jumpseat, which, incidentally is located right next to that stinky loo. Generally,  I am put off my yoghurt and granola after two bites.

Passengers after passenger files out of the lav, making sure they don’t make any eye contact so as not to betray the fact that they just had the biggest crap of their life. It’s the walk of shame back to their seats. Because really, who wants to poop on a plane? I think most of us would prefer to do our business in the comfort of our own home.

The worst is when you are next in line and you hear the double flush. Because let’s face it. We can hear everything going on in the airplane’s toilet. After the second flush, the passengers in line and I exchange nervous looks, knowing that whatever happened ‘in there’, was so big (or messy) that it wouldn’t go down the first flush. Yikes!

The door swings open, and the next passenger gulps,  gives me a nervous look and goes in there to face whatever they may find. Hoping that it’s not THAT bad.

I swear,  everyone on that plane has a shit during the morning.  I mean, I am glad that they eat their fibre and are regular. But, come on! There’s only so much one flight attendant can take before they gag.

Perhaps I should stick to afternoon flights after all.

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Wow! I have a new appreciation for flight attendants. It never dawned on me you’d be forced to deal with other people’s shit (in several aspects) every day. I rarely take flights and when I do its three hours and I pray I don’t even have to tinkle!

Thank you for all you do and I pray the next flight is less loose!



I’m probably one of those “certain sized people”, and while I don’t have the skills of a contortionist, I’ve unintentionally developed a trick to survive in the air without profanely polluting the plane. I always request a vegetarian meal – it doesn’t matter which airline – they always seem to screw it up, and you don’t get to eat anything other than rolls and butter. This way you just drink as much beer as the flight attendant is willing to give you and, consequently, you only have one type of “nature break” to worry about. The relatively inoffensive one. In the meantime, I survive on pre-packed in carry-on luggage tubes of Pringles.



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