{February 6, 2013}   Who you calling a klutz?

I am not sure how I got hired to become a flight attendant.  I am actually quite clumsy. I spill drinks and drop stuff all the time.  But I am really good at pointing out emergency exits.

I never wear the colour white because black coffee and mud somehow always throw themselves on me. It’s like – opposites attract. All I have to do is just think about dirty objects and my white shirt automatically gets ruined. I don’t even have to be wearing white to get it stained. Don’t wear white around me. It WILL get discoloured.  I guarantee it. I HAVE the power! So, YOU, the passenger. Don’t wear white trousers or blouses on the plane around me.  You have been warned. 

Many years ago when I first got hired,  I was working a really long flight to India. I had a tray filled with glasses of champagne, orange juice and sparkling water for ground service. We hadn’t taken off yet. Didn’t I find the one woman in white and proceeded to spill the entire contents of my tray on her lap.  She had to sit in wet clothes during her 11 hour flight.  I chose not to work in her ‘section’ during that flight because I was mortified. I consoled myself in knowing that I would never have to see her again.  I enjoyed a 3 day layover and on the return flight, who should be sitting in business class again?  The exact same woman. When I saw her, I apologized profusely.  She stayed dry that flight.  You guessed it.  She was wearing black. 

Fast forward a decade and I had an equally disastrous situation on the aircraft.  I was carrying a tray with hot coffee and Baileys.  The tray tipped all over the nice lady passenger in business class. In my defense,  it was an EARLY flight and I was really tired. This time I couldn’t escape her. Fortunately,  she was really nice. Probably because she was a friend of an employee.  After the coffee mishap, she took her white sweater off and gave it to me as I soaked it in seltzer during the flight to try to lift the stain out. Strike two.

Don’t get me wrong. There have been many a clumsiness and spilling over the years but these are the two that stick out in my head.

Choose your travel clothes wisely.  You have been warned. 



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