{January 30, 2013}   Sir, the lavatory is over there. Never mind.

I had this guy on my flight who was quiet and non-descript. He sat in his aisle seat for 5 hours and didn’t say or do much.  Towards the end of the flight, the young woman sitting next to him, approached us to tell us that she thinks the guy she was sitting next to peed all over his seat and it smelled terrible.  I looked at the passenger and he was distractedly looking out the window. Poor guy! Maybe he was embarrassed.  

We relocated the young woman to another empty seat and I made a mental note to have the seat cover changed when we landed. I headed back to business class to start preparing the cabin for landing. No sooner did I get there, the interphone rings and the flight attendant shouts: He’s pissing all over the crew seats and my lunch bag and jacket are all wet!

I hurried once again to the back of the airplane to the animated flight attendants. They explained that the passenger got up and was waiting in line for the toilets. Then he wandered over to the crew seats, unzipped his fly and proceeded to pee all over the seats and carpet. I went to confront this guy and explain to him that this was unacceptable, but he was pretended to be asleep.

I explained the situation to the captain and we both agreed that we were so close to landing that it was pointless to confront the guy in case he became aggressive. We planned to have the police meet the flight on arrival.

We landed 20 minutes later and I made an announcement to the passengers to stay seated. The police came onto the aircraft and escorted the pisser off first. Most passengers had no idea what had happened up until that point.

The police questioned him and searched his bag and found an empty mickey of Jack Daniels. Unbeknownst to us, he was sneaking drinks throughout the flight.

The guy was charged with vandalism and required to pay for the cleaning of the seats and was denied boarding on his next flight.

How do you like them apples?


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