flightmum











{January 23, 2013}   Open mouth…insert hand.

I tend to open my big mouth and say the wrong embarrassing things too often. For example,  I routinely congratulate a woman on her pregnancy when she is not even expecting.  I made a pact that I would never talk about one’s pregnancy until either she tells me about it first OR I see the baby drop down from between the mum’s legs. That decision has saved me from many other awkward moments.  Except once. A woman was boarding the aircraft with 2 little boys trailing behind her. I mentioned to her that I had 2 boys and a girl.  I asked if that one (pointing at her stomach) is a girl. She looked at me confused and walked to the back of the airplane.  Of course I was mortified.  It wasn’t even that she was fat or anything. She was just wearing a loose hideous jumper outfit that I thought nobody in their right mind would wear unless they were pregnant. I avoided this passenger for the rest of the flight, which is difficult to do in a narrow  metal tube that flies in the sky.

Recently, there was an older man (in his mid 50’s), 2 young ladies in their early 30’s and two children aged 3 and 5 all sitting in business class together.  Four out of five of the passengers had the same last name. The way they were on the seating chart showed the little girl had a different last name. Each child, was sitting next to their ‘mum’ and the man was sitting on his own nearby. I said to the man: are they both your daughters?  I deduced that he was the grandpa, the young women were his daughters and the children were his grandkids. He looked at me funny and pointed to the little boy and said that one is a boy. I said “right” and scurried away with my tail between my legs. As it turned out, he was married to one of the woman and the other one was their hot nanny. Oops.

Lastly,  there was the time a gentleman boarded my flight and he was holding a bag in one hand, coat in his other, and his boarding card in his mouth. I said to him, ” looks like you need another hand!” He replied, “don’t even go there!” I was confused until I looked closely at him and noticed that one of his hands was  a prosthetic made out of plastic and was there just for aesthetic reasons. 

My new resolution is not to talk to my passengers from now on.

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